“Boys will be boys”: 32-year-old mom scolds friend's toddler when she catches him not playing nicely with her daughter, his mom snaps at her for “parenting” her child

Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA for "parenting" my best friend's kid at the park?

    "I don't appreciate you parenting my child"
  • 02
    So I (31F) have been best friends with Carter (32F) since junior high. We're super close and our kids are too. I have a 3 yr old daughter, Eliana, and she has a 4 yr old son, Levi. We hang out at the park a couple times a week and just let the kids run around while we catch up.
  • 03
    For some background, Carter and I have really different parenting styles. I don't yell or raise my voice. I grew up in a house with a lot of yelling and I'm just not about that life. I try to stay calm and firm
  • 04
    without being scary. Carter is more direct and intense with Levi. That's her style and I've never judged her for it. Every kid is different and we're all doing our best.
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10501804800
  • 06
    So this happened earlier this week. We were at the park, sitting on a bench a few feet away from the sandbox while the kids played. We were talking about Eliana's birthday when suddenly I heard Eliana
  • 07
    scream crying. I jumped up and went over to check on her. She was holding her head and told me Levi had thrown a bucket at her. I pulled her hand away from her head to see if there was a cut or a bruise but she was fine.
  • 08
    I got down to Levi's level and asked what happened. He said Eliana wasn't letting him have a turn so he threw the bucket at her. I told him calmly that it wasn't okay to throw things and asked him to
  • 09
    apologize, which he did. Then I told Eliana that she needs to share and take turns and asked her to say sorry too. They both apologized, gave each other a hug, and I asked if they could play nicely now. They both said yes and seemed fine.
  • 10
    21
  • 11
    I went back to the bench and Carter asked what happened. I told her and she immediately gave me attitude and said, "I don't appreciate you parenting my child."
  • 12
    I said, "I wasn't parenting Levi. It's not okay that he threw a bucket at her. It's not okay he throws anything at anyone." She roll her eyes, "He's a boy. Boys will be boys."
  • 13
    I got kind of defensive and said, "Boys will be boys isn't an excuse or a pass to hurt someone else." At that point I was over it. I walked over the kids, picked Eliana up and told her to say bye to Levi, grabbed our stuff, and we left.
  • 14
    Later that night I told my husband what happened. He agreed with me and said I wasn't wrong for stepping in, but he also said maybe I shouldn't have corrected Levi myself and should've called Carter over instead. He suggested inviting her over to smooth things out.
  • 15
    Cheezburger Image 10501805056
  • 16
    We kind of agreed to disagree on that. I really don't think I scolded him. I stayed calm and just dealt with what was happening right in front of me. I did what I thought was right in the moment. And honestly, I don't see a problem with how I handled it.
  • 17
    jrm1102 NTA - you were not in the wrong, and you werent over stepping at all. Boys will be boys I cant even with this bs excuse from your hopefully former friend.
  • 18
    SortBrief9412 OP Right! I hate it so much. What does being a boy have anything to do with this?
  • 19
    Humble-Ad-2713 Mom of two boys aged 2 and 3. That sentence is a red flag in our household. Respect and manners start from beginning. If my kids being an and throwing things he would be having his toys removed. Actions have consequences.
  • 20
    orangemummy I actually appreciate it when I'm with friends and they're open enough to give my child gentle reminders. It can be awkward and is typically fairly simple stuff, but if the other parent close enough to
  • 21
    intervene, presumably they left you supervising. Sometimes as a parent you don't witness every single thing, and I'd rather someone call out their behavior if they're not being kind.
  • 22
    mommy2pk Exactly this. They have to be educated in the moment so whatever adult catches it teaches it.
  • 23
    Ornery-Platypus-1 NTA. If she feels you were trying to "parent" her kid due to correcting the kid's unacceptable behavior...at least the kid was getting parenting from somewhere in that instance. She should try more of that herself.
  • 24
    Candyzzzx Kids need guidance, regardless of their parents' styles. It's great that you stepped in calmly. Hopefully, this prompts a conversation between you two about setting boundaries.
  • 25
    QueenOfNeon I'm a teacher. She's gonna be that parent we have to deal with when her BOY gets in a fight at school because she thinks it's cute now
  • 26
    lilianic NTA. You did the appropriate thing and comforted your daughter, acknowledged what each child could have done differently, and got them to make up. Your friend is a crappy parent and your husband seems so conflict avoidant as to be useless.
  • 27
    NTA. Razzmatazz Neat9865 And "boys will be boys" isn't just a different parenting style - it's a whole different (and obnoxious) set of values. I'd be taking a cautious distance from now on.

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article